Night Light
by Parariillusion
Summary: Hideki, after being a virgin for so long, becomes exasperated with himself and his loyalty to Chi. Will he succumb to his forbidden desires and betray Chi?
1. Premonition of the Past

"Chi...Chi...please, wake up, for me, Chi!" I begged of her. But her beautiful gray eyes remained shadowed by her eyelids. They covered her life, her love, and my hope. Damn her. Damn her "father." But most of all, damn my heart, that gave itself away to something, an object, that cannot be loved with my senses.

The open window drew in the sunlight, the air, the scent of the ocean; all of the things we humans depend on for survival. Things Chi loved, even though she could not process them biologically. Even though Chi was, no, is; "only" a persocom, she is special. She is a Chobit, capable of feeling emotion, a feat known as impossible even in this time and age of technological development. Persocoms are no longer just toys anymore. They are units capable of feeling human emotion, even love. People used to say they are the ultimate humans, what humans wish to be. The ultimate power that which is to be unable to feel emotion was not even to be given to persocoms, our perfect replicas.

We became God, in that moment when the first persocom was created in its imperfection. Why was the first persocom imperfect? Because God created man in his image. Man was flawed because we were made only in His image. Persocoms were only to give the illusion of perfect life, when their only function was to move for us. That is how they repay our debt to us. However, like God we gave them a choice to be like us and be a part of us.

We believed that we were just like the persocoms, that we were perfect. But then people became "sad." They loved the persocoms as they loved themselves. Yet there was something blocking this love from being returned. Yes, persocoms are capable of love to some effect, but they only love humans as their masters, their owners, no more, and no less. That is why they took the machinery and turned them into functioning organs. Sex organs, to be exact. But that did not work either. Humans gained no satisfaction, nor pleasure, after a while, from soulless machines that could not return love.

But Chi returns my love. She loves me more than she loves herself. She would die without me, as I would die without her. But her death for me would be different from my death for her.

She says I am the one for her. There is a program installed in her that gives her the power to destruct the program that recognizes and differentiates between people in all persocoms. That would make love impossible. Luckily, though, the program only works if her love is not returned. If I fell in love with someone else, or betrayed her love and trust, the program would be activated. Everything would come tumbling down around humans, who depend on persocoms for businesses, household duties, sexual enjoyment, basically everything.

But what would happen when I died? My love for her would disappear forever and all persocoms would lose recognition of people that loved them. What would happen to her? I wish I could give her physical proof of my love for her, so she would never doubt our love even after my death. Loving her and being loved by her is both a blessing and a burden.

I did, though, give her my body just a few moments before. What a grievous mistake it was; I have ruined her forever. Betrayed her, betrayed her sister's trust that I would not complete my love for Chi to protect that love. Worse than that, I cannot trust myself anymore...


	2. Dangerous Musings

Flashback to the night before... 

"Hideki! Hideki! Welcome home!" Chi cried out, hugging my waist. It was 9:30 at night, and I had just returned from working at Club Pleasure. "Chi missed Hideki!"

"I missed you too," I replied, grinning at her beautiful, innocent smile. She reached up to touch my cheek in a tender gesture that was surprisingly mature for her (and sensitive for a robot. But I must not stereotype her, after all, she _is_ special.). I stopped smiling as I hardened and cramped up.

"Chi?" she asked, puzzled, pulling her hand away to press against my chest. "Hideki is sick? Does Hideki's heart hurt?"

I smiled, with much effort. "It's not that kind of hurt, Chi. I'll be fine," I said, stroking her lips with my finger. Her lips parted expectantly. I bent down cautiously, and pecked her lips. As I was about to pull away, though, she deepened the kiss and began exploring my mouth. It felt like a human was kissing me, not a persocom. It's amazing how persocoms are made, especially Chi, a Chobit. I hardened completely in desire for her. I let go of her waist and pulled away reluctantly from Chi, reaching down to unzip my pants, and _ran_ for the bathroom.

"Hideki!" Chi cried, reaching out to tug at my elbow worriedly. "Chi did something wrong?" I stared down at her naïve face, scrounged up in concern. When I did not respond, tears started welling up in her eyes, and she said, "Chi is a _bad_ girl, Hideki?"

I stroked her cheek tenderly, deciding it was time to teach her why I sometimes got "sick" when she did something. "Of course not. You see, Chi, sometimes when you do something...you, well, you turn me on and..."

Chi looked at me with understanding dawning in her eyes. "Ohh...Hideki has on/off switch? Like Chi does down here?" she asked, touching her "on/off switch."

I gulped nervously, and said, in a strained voice, "Y-yes, just like t-that, except mine is...different."

"Chi?" she asked, tilting her head to one side and giving me those sweet, adorable puppy eyes. "Hideki is different from Chi?"

"H-hai," I answered haltingly. "See, mine is...well, it's longer and it's outside of my body, and when...you, well, "turn me on," it gets hard and...if I don't, um..."

"Chi? Hideki's hard?" she asked as she moved closer to me. She raised her hand from her side to touch...let's say, _down there_. I gulped noisily as she looked up at me and said in wonder, "Hideki is _hard_."

Oh dear, I was thinking. What do I do next?

"Hideki? What does it do?"

Oh dear **God**, what do I **say** to **that**? "Uhh...uhh..." As I began to run out of options (at least the ones that sounded smart), I decided not to risk myself getting overly aroused and **ran** for the bathroom.

I shut the door in relief and removed my pants and began to masturbate in the bathtub. As I moaned with self-inflicted pleasure, I heard knocking on the door and thought, Ms. Hibiya. I should probably turn down the pleasure a notch. As I tried to shut my groans inside my mouth, I heard the lock turning as Chi let Ms. Hibiya in.

"Chi!" Chi cried happily at the sight of her "mother."

"Why, hello, Chi," Ms. Hibiya said. "Would you like to try out some clothes? I made some more for you that I'm sure Hideki will like..."

I began groaning more from imagining the sight of Chi taking off her clothes and then her bra, slowly and luxuriously, and then...Then I felt Ms. Hibiya's eyes on the door of the bathroom, smiling in that unnerving calm aura she had when these kind of...instances came up. I attempted to muffle myself more by stuffing a nearby towel into my mouth.

"Chi...? Hideki is sick, Ms. Hibiya. Chi should not leave Hideki alone," Chi said, a bit reluctant.

"It's okay, Chi. Hideki's a big boy and can take care of himself," Ms. Hibiya consoled Chi, her voice hesitant on the "can take care of himself" phrase. "Besides, you'll be right back."

"Okay..." Chi said. Then, at the thought of new clothes, "Clothes, clothes, clothes!!"

"That's right, Chi. Clothes!" Ms. Hibiya's mood lightened considerably at Chi's adorable randomness as she left with Chi, closing the door with a resounding click.

I sighed in relief and began cleaning myself up. As I washed, I wondered why Chi, a persocom, was given the power of being loved by me and why Ms. Hibiya's husband made her so her love and my love could not be completed. As I thought more and more, I became more and more morose.

"Damn it," I screamed out into the world, the water from the shower sprout raining down into my mouth. "I need a drink..." I whispered as an afterthought, crying along with the whole world that was washing everything away.

::Later::

"Reality is a joke," I murmured, smoothing my still-wet bangs down on my forehead to block out the light that drifted into my vision from the seducing overhead, its soft glow slowly drying and warming me subtly, along with the many drinks I had had.

"What was that?" Minoru asked, sipping at a Coke in his immaculate high school uniform that caused many (sluts) to turn and stare, only to receive a chillingly remote stare from him.

"Reality..." I paused and drank deeply of the beer that the bartender had put in front of me. I choked and sputtered, spraying beer across the counter. As Minoru patted me nonchalantly on the back, I spat out the rest. "...is a joke."

"Hmmm," Minoru hummed intelligently. "Why?"

"Because...because..." I repeated, losing my train of thought as I began seeing bright blue dots scattered in front of my eyes, a side effect of too much alcohol. I shook my head to clear it, and took another long sip of the drink. It burned all the way down. As I swallowed continuously, Minoru watched me unconsciously, lost in his own thoughts.

"Minoru?" I asked, the burning sensation traveling up my throat again and into my mouth, escaping as a loud burp of the satisfied drinker as I pronounced his name.

Minoru wrinkled his dainty nose and waved his hand politely in front of him. "Excuse you."

"Excuse me," I echoed, feeling more and more drunk by the minute. I shifted my body so that my right arm dangled from the counter and the other grasped at the beer bottle like the only salvation from falling from a cliff. "What were you saying?"

"Nothing. As I recall, you were the one saying something. Please continue."

I attempted to take another long drink, only to find there was nothing left at the bottom. "Yo, man, gimme another one." The bartender hard-facedly slid me another beer, only the bottle was stopped from reaching me by Minoru.

"You've drunk too much. Anyways, won't Chi worry about you if she sees you like this?"

"No...gimme more," I said, groping for his arm to reach the bottle, missing it by a mile. My arm lay limp on the counter, spasming spontaneously in the attempt for the beer.

"Motosuwa, go home to Chi," Minoru demanded, tossing the beer back at the bartender.

"I hate her."

Minoru stared at me, open-mouthed, not knowing what to say.

"I hate the bitch, that bitch's first 'daughter', that son-of-a-bitch, and me, this mother-fucker."

"Hideki!" Minoru cried in disbelief, abandoning all respect.

"And you know why? They took everything from me before I even had it. One stupid choice! One stupid promise! Why? W-why?" I choked out. "It's not faaaiirrr!" I whined like a child. "It's not fair. I love her, Minoru, I love her. But do you know how hard it is to keep away from her? How long it's been? You should know, you're in high school now, but look at me! I'm still a virgin! I'm in my twenties! In a couple years, I'll be in my thirties! And for the rest of my life, I'll never have her! I NEED sex, my body cries out for it! But I love her, Minoru; and that'll be my ruin."

"Hideki..."

"No, don't talk, Minoru. I don't want you to. I just want..." I felt myself falling, falling, falling into darkness.

"Hideki!"


	3. Forbidden Fruit

The next moment I was next to Minoru, whining about the unfairness of life over some beer, and the next, I was lying on my back in the bar with various forms of persocoms and people peeking over Minoru, who was kneeling over me with a worried expression on his usually blank face.

"Minoru...what happened?" I asked, only remembering the taste of beer in my mouth that still lingered and teased my taste buds.

"You passed out," Minoru replied, all expression gone from his face now that I was okay. "You should be more careful; you don't want to worry Chi when you go home...or when you go home," he said with a bit of concern creeping into his voice.

"Huh?" I said in response to the last bit about "or when you go home." Then I noticed the boobs. The boobs that were hanging over Minoru's shoulder and then the girl whose boobs they were. She winked at me when she noticed me looking at her and licked her lips as a catty smile formed on them.

"Hey, you okay?" the prostitute asked. "I bet you're feeling horrible with all that beer you were drinking." I nodded, having no idea what she was implying. "I know a way to make it aaallll better..." Her unsaid question lingered in the air over Minoru's shoulder and entered me. I became suddenly aroused.

"Yeah," I answered, sounding more energetic than I felt. "Yeah, sure."

"Hideki," Minoru hissed into my ear. "Chi will..."

I ignored him and took the prostitute's hand that she offered. "Let's go."

The prostitute smiled again and pulled my arm around her waist, all the way to her breasts so that we were connected, thigh-to-thigh. Minoru looked disgusted and walked away. Before he did, though, he gripped my shoulder hard and whispered, "Remember Chi."

"Fuck you," was my response, as my hand squeezed the breast of the whore and started to travel south. She leaned close to my ear and moaned enticingly. I breathed out sharply as I became hard. "Let's go," I said again. This time, though, we made it out of the bar. It wasn't easy, though, with Minoru's eyes burning into my back. I dripped with guilt, but the alcohol and the prostitute washed it all away.

She led me to a nearby love hotel, all the while letting me place my hands wherever I wanted. Rather, _she_ placed them for me, as I had no experience, being a virgin and a loser with the girls. She smiled cattily again just before she entered the hotel. I paused at the entrance, just staring at her, framed in the doorway. For a moment, she looked like Chi, her guard down for a second, surprised by my reluctance to enter. I felt like crying.

"What's wrong?" she asked, tilting her head. She was childishly pouting at the prospect of a customer giving up a night with her.

"I-it...you're beautiful," was my lame excuse. Actually, she did look beautiful, with the neon lights in the back of her shadowing her face, and her eyes smiling confusedly at me.

"Um...thank you...?"

"You're welcome," I said, grasping her hands in mine.

"Yes, that's what I meant," she said to herself. "Thank you." As she gained her posture and confidence, she lost her innocence. She became just another whore. Just another whore.

::Later::

I bit my lip nervously as she undressed herself. "Um...are you sure this is okay?"

She laughed. "Why wouldn't it be?" she said, discarding her dress and bra on the bed. "Feel this?" she asked, raising my left hand to cup her right breast. I nodded, blushing furiously. "That's what you want, and I've got it. And I'm gonna give it all to you."

"B-but..." I stuttered, again not knowing what to say.

She sighed softly, but exasperatedly. She tore off her panties and grasped my arm, drawing me closer to her. "I know you want me," she whispered, as she lavished my neck with kisses and fumbled at my clothing.

"B-but..." I stumbled again, even though I was becoming aroused.

"What is it now?" she said, annoyed. Her adorable face glared at me, frowning like Chi's did, but it was still a prostitute's face. Just a prostitute. No one important. Just this one night.

I threw myself blindly into my desires. "Nothing," I said, my voice strong with false conviction.

"Good," she replied. And so it began.


	4. Transformations

AN: Wow! I never expected such a big response! (4 reviews!) Thanks for all the great reviews! And yeah, Zaneeta, I agree with you that Hideki is a bit...nasty. But yeah, I'm fifteen, I'm going through puberty, it's prone to go through my head. I also think Hideki is too smart in the first chapter...come on, Hideki isn't as deep as all that! I am though...I really do think too much...I was expecting something from the reviewers about how smart Hideki seems.

Chapter 4

I stared at the prostitute, her face innocent in sleep. It was scrunched up much like Chi's did, as if she was thinking about something deeply troubling. Another wave of guilt washed over me. To erase it, I reached for her again, not knowing what else to do, for I was too ashamed to go home to Chi.

As I grasped the whore to me, adding my edges to her curves that never quite fit perfectly together, although for hours we had tried, but in the end I had to satisfy myself with the bare pleasure of entering her, which was more I had ever had. But it was lacking in something. Something Chi had, but this prostitute did not.

As she stirred in her sleep, wrapping her arms endearingly around me, then peeking out at me from under her eyelashes, I realized I didn't know her name.

"Wanna go again? Only couple more yen will do it," she said enticingly, stretching luxuriously, and then wrapping her legs around me. She had lost her innocence somewhere between the dream world and reality.

I felt a rising of heat in my chest, but I pushed it back down. "Um...that's okay. I'm sure you have something else to do that's important."

She pouted for a second and then her face brightened for a second, the way a teenager does when he/she thinks about that special someone. But then she glanced at me and her face changed again. "No...nothing's more important to me than you right now," she decided.

I laughed sardonically. I was only important to her for money. "No, I have someone else, and I know you do too."

Her face fell at the lost hope of earning more money. She looked so sad.

"But...I suppose you need the money more than I do. I'll pay you extra," I said on impulse. What was I doing, giving money to a whore? I needed the money; I barely had any money to cover the month's rent. It was only because of Ms. Hibiya that I was still living in a house.

But she looked like Chi. But Chi wasn't a whore. Chi was just...Chi. But who was this whore, anyways, that looked so much like Chi?

"Um...what's your name," I asked the girl as she climbed off the bed with the money grasped tightly to her breast.

She glanced at me in surprise, then answered, "Chise. My name's Chise."

My mouth gaped at the parody of Chi's name. I had just had sex with a girl whose name was almost the same as Chi's. Oh, the irony.

She looked at me strangely. "Do I know you from somewhere?"

"N-no..." I stuttered. "It's just that...never mind."

"Alright then," she said, tossing me a small piece of paper that hit me on the forehead. "It was nice knowing you."

As I shook her hand, I caught a glimpse of the card that was now in my lap; it was a business card that had information about a "Keita Yamaguchi," whose name was crossed out, with her name and number scribbled on the back. I wondered if he was her special someone.

"Good luck, Chise," I called after her as she walked out the door. She paused before closing the door and flashed a smile, beautiful as Chi's, at me. I smiled at the closed door, which was ironically white.

I sat on the bed for a while, reliving the night, suddenly realizing that I WASN'T a virgin anymore. All of a sudden, I stood up on the bed and literally jumped for joy, until I remembered that Chi was still at home. I rushed to don my clothes, fearing the prospect of telling Chi that I had spent the night with Chise.

A.N.: Short filler chapter, but necessary. I'll update soon. See you next chapter!


	5. P o i s o n

AN: Seven reviews! Yeah...this is another chapter that doesn't really have that much action. But it's important too. The last chapter was about the realization that Chise wasn't just a sex toy but a person and that sex should not be a motivation for living (?!), or however you want to interpret it. Bleh. This one is kind of like the first chapter and the last chapter...you'll see why... (By the way, thanks for all the reviews!)

I walked down the street, the bleak streetlights drowning the brilliance of the stars. I was drenched in darkness and the aura of the impure. I had always tried to peer beyond the dark, to the stars and to my dreams, but this time...I had mistaken a nightmare for a dream.

I was born again in Chise, her body drawing me in and spitting me back out as if I was something to be feared, poison. A nauseous birth, made up of liquid poisons and the darkness within myself.

I needed Chi. She was everything that was pure and good, a benevolent angel fighting the shadows of her past life to reach to me, an insignificant in the future of the world. She became my world, and I became her everything. She let go of her past, her sister's warnings, everything, to be with me, to be my special person.

But she wasn't my everything. My perverse personality restrained me from giving everything to her, and her sister's warnings.

I thought I was special, gaining the love of a _Chobit_, being the first to fulfill her. But that wasn't enough. Stupid hormones.

Yes, that was it, I thought, as I swiped some beer from a vending machine. Stupid hormones, I raged, downing beer while sitting next to the beer machine.

Stupid hormones, I chanted in my mind, chanting it faster and faster as I drank more and more beer, the adrenaline rushing to my head, creating a sudden high. I laughed and hugged the vending machine, then ran off to dance with some trash in a corner, waiting to be thrown in a landfill. I'm not doing anything bad, I thought. It's just trash; dirty smelly things. Whores.

But what goes up must come down.

I let go of the black bags and hurled everything in my system onto the pile of waste, creating a green stain that _crawled_ over the bags and their shadows. Exhausted, I fell onto the place where the puke landed, the smell absorbing into my body and the filth rubbing into my clothes.

"Chi," I whined. "Chi."

I laid there until a watchman patrolling the streets saw me.

"Hey, sonny. You okay?" The man stared at me with a mixture of disgust and compassion in his face.

"Sure..." I murmured, finally rising from my nest. I stared upward at the heavens, feeling eternally low as dawn approached, the sun an angel creating the morning. The brightest star. The morning star.

I cried there, in front of the policeman, at the sight of the miracle of the morning and at the reminder that I had killed Chi, my own morning star.

I remembered what had happened to her sister. Her sister's warnings whirled in my mind like a tornado, gaining force and speed as it traveled across the ground of my memory, recollecting the thoughts of the night. Her warnings coupled with Minoru's warnings. I had betrayed so many people.

"Sonny," the policeman murmured. "What have you done?"

"Everything," I said. "Everything."


	6. E x c u s e s

AN: Kewl! 11 reviews! But I always wonder about something...am I really that good of a writer that I don't get any criticism? Please, if you find anything that I can improve on, tell me! If you write it as criticism, and not as a flame, I'll accept it and thank you for it! So with that said, on to the next chapter!

"Chi..." I groaned, stumbling into out apartment. "Chi..."

A lone figure rose hesitantly from her fetal position on the floor. "H-Hideki? Hideki is back?"

"Chi..." I said, not able to focus on anything but her. It was both a curse and a blessing as I felt myself becoming aroused by her once again. It was a blessing in that it gave me the knowledge that my body was still, in a way, dedicated to her, but it was a curse because it reminded me of how I had betrayed her.

"Hideki," she whispered, slowly folding herself onto my chest. I felt a trickle of water trailing down my shirt. She was crying. I had not even known that she could cry. She had only looked at me sadly before. She had never cried. My heart broke in that instant of realization that she _knew._

I'm sorry, Chi, my heart cried out to her. I know that I shouldn't have done it, but I couldn't help myself. No...I could, but...you know, I got drunk, that sort of thing, and it got kind of wild. I'm not saying that it wasn't my fault, but it wasn't. It was just the alcohol...

"Where was Hideki?" Chi said, her voice muffled against my heart. "C-Chi...traced Hideki's signals...but Hideki..."

She knew.

"Chi..." I cried out, my B.S.ed excuse erupting out of me. She stood there, her face melting through the weave of my shirt as she listened, mourning quietly. As I finished, her sniffles grew softer and softer till they disappeared entirely. We remained in that position of joining and parting for a while, the sun growing brighter outside. But my heart remained dark and sorrowful.

After standing there for what seemed like eternity, I whispered, "Chi?"

AN: Yeah, that was a B.S.ed chapter. I could've made it longer, but...I'm kinda stuck... let me think about how Chi's going to act. No suggestions, please. I want to figure this out by myself, but after I update the next chapter, tell me how you think Chi would've reacted. See ya'll!


End file.
